Ok...so when the rubber meets the road parenting can be so difficult. I know I have many faults but I do think I am a very patient and understanding parent.
I an hoping that there are some of you will have survived a emotional preteen girl! Mine has decided that crying very loudly for long lengths of time is a daily activity. Many of these times I just love on her, talk to her but most of the time she just wants to howl. I understand, since sometimes I want to do the the same :) On the hand, it makes the rest of us miserable . When I send her in her room she makes sure she just howls loud enough we can still commiserate with her !
I would love some thoughts and encouragement. I am doing all the things the books and people say but I may still just loose my mind !:)
Well, since all outer behavior is a result of internal conditions of consciousness, or issues in relationships, a first step could be to find out if she is unhappy about something, and then help her to resolve that.
ReplyDeleteYep, what Jan said, and it could be a school/peer thing going on that she hasn't told you about and is blowing off that tension at safe targets (like parents) instead.
ReplyDeleteAlso, as your books have probably told you, boundary setting (consistent) will be important. Like I learned from my children when they were small, you can present them food, but you cannot make them eat; you can put them to bed, but you cannot make them sleep. So, she'll howl if she wants to. But you don't have to feed the howl. I would say that talking with her should wait until she's not howling, for one thing.
Also, never underestimate the mundane. I learned this with my daughter (now 18). Her emotional discomfort could come from as simple a cause as fatigue, hunger, or hormones. I know the first two are brought up a lot when talking about younger children, but they apply all the way through adulthood.
Got to get to the source, though.
I recommend "the Female Brain" by Dr Louanne Brizendine .. excellent read, great info on the chemical changes that occur in all females in various stages of life.
ReplyDeleteIt helped me understand my daughter, showed me that most of this is temporary as her body is changing and new emotions are being triggered biochemically..
Now..in return, do you have any idea how to deal with a 15 yr old man child who insists on piercing his own lips??